There was a little boy by the name of Burly. All his life he was told to always be tough and surly. He spoke with volume and grew his hair curly. He was a real strong boy, nothing of him could be called girly.
Burly took himself a little too seriously. He was aware of his strength and he used his power unwisely. He trashed those unfortunate enough to cross his path with words and actions so unkindly. He was well set to conquer and he was sure to win, undoubtedly.
One day he heard of a fairy so small and lovely. People talked about her and their eyes shone lovingly. Burly was bright with red hot jealousy. He hunted the fairy and tried to kill her viciously.
Tried as he may, Burly was never able to lay his hand on the fairy. He used all his strength but she flew away freely. Burly was defeated and took it rather sourly. One thing he didn't quite realize was that all fairies flew because they took themselves lightly.
(to all fairies out there, we gotta keep on flying :) )
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
destiny's calling
On a TV show last night two guys went camping. One of the them unthinkingly touched a bear cub, angered the mother bear who instantly ripped apart the other guy, the guy who knew better. I was always that other guy, the one who had to fight for life ruined by somebody else's mistake.
What a funny game, destiny. I was nursing my wound when he walked by.
"What happened?"he asked.
"I hurt myself,"I replied.
He looked at me, unconvinced. "It seemed like you were hurt by somebody,"
"Some bodies, actually."
Yes, it made me die a little inside each time. Yet how could I escape what had been written for me. I was merely a marginal character in this grand literature. Some people were meant to conquer, some people were meant to be like me, blessed with the know-how yet surrounded by tragic beings, those haunted by personal demons, unable to escape, so they destroyed something, broke something, angered something and that something, by some twist of fate, grabbed at me, damaged me, the unfortunate passer by.
I persevered. When my wound was healed, another being would find me and the scenario repeated itself. Over and over again.
Maybe it was because I never truly longed for anything, I knew better than expecting to see paradise. Maybe because what I truly wanted was to live in complete stillness, devoid of strong emotions, merely passing through, seeing without looking, right to the end. Maybe because wanting to live in still water was an egoistic choice of living and deemed to be more sinful than anything else.
"Are you tired?"he asked.
"Yes, very."
He told me I could have the life that I wanted. But with a price. I knew that nothing comes free in this world. So I braced myself and asked how much.
"It depends how much you value your honesty," he smiled a little when he said this. "Give it up and I will give you endless supplies of masks. Different mask for you to put on when you see different beings. Feed their ego. Let them see you the way they want to see you. Let them believe what they want to believe. They will be contented, they behave, they will leave you alone, and everything will be in order, nothing breaks, nothing hurts you anymore."
I pondered upon his proposal. I couldn't say that I wasn't tempted. Naturally I saw that there is a flaw, but I also knew that I could never have it all. Win some, lose some. Free from unnecessary hurt, lose myself in nameless empty characters. Be true to myself, hurting till the day I die.
In the end I declined. Not without a lurch in my stomach, because I did realize that I might have just turned down my only exit. But I knew, my heart was stronger than anybody else's and every cell in my body healed faster than anybody else's. So there I was, welcoming unnecessary pains of the future. Because it was just the way I was built and I knew better than to escape destiny.
What a funny game, destiny. I was nursing my wound when he walked by.
"What happened?"he asked.
"I hurt myself,"I replied.
He looked at me, unconvinced. "It seemed like you were hurt by somebody,"
"Some bodies, actually."
Yes, it made me die a little inside each time. Yet how could I escape what had been written for me. I was merely a marginal character in this grand literature. Some people were meant to conquer, some people were meant to be like me, blessed with the know-how yet surrounded by tragic beings, those haunted by personal demons, unable to escape, so they destroyed something, broke something, angered something and that something, by some twist of fate, grabbed at me, damaged me, the unfortunate passer by.
I persevered. When my wound was healed, another being would find me and the scenario repeated itself. Over and over again.
Maybe it was because I never truly longed for anything, I knew better than expecting to see paradise. Maybe because what I truly wanted was to live in complete stillness, devoid of strong emotions, merely passing through, seeing without looking, right to the end. Maybe because wanting to live in still water was an egoistic choice of living and deemed to be more sinful than anything else.
"Are you tired?"he asked.
"Yes, very."
He told me I could have the life that I wanted. But with a price. I knew that nothing comes free in this world. So I braced myself and asked how much.
"It depends how much you value your honesty," he smiled a little when he said this. "Give it up and I will give you endless supplies of masks. Different mask for you to put on when you see different beings. Feed their ego. Let them see you the way they want to see you. Let them believe what they want to believe. They will be contented, they behave, they will leave you alone, and everything will be in order, nothing breaks, nothing hurts you anymore."
I pondered upon his proposal. I couldn't say that I wasn't tempted. Naturally I saw that there is a flaw, but I also knew that I could never have it all. Win some, lose some. Free from unnecessary hurt, lose myself in nameless empty characters. Be true to myself, hurting till the day I die.
In the end I declined. Not without a lurch in my stomach, because I did realize that I might have just turned down my only exit. But I knew, my heart was stronger than anybody else's and every cell in my body healed faster than anybody else's. So there I was, welcoming unnecessary pains of the future. Because it was just the way I was built and I knew better than to escape destiny.
Friday, December 19, 2008
hello butterfly
Smack in the middle of dreary routines and meaningless actions, it hit you. So fluid and sudden you didn't even realize it at first, you were just caught in the music and you sang along, danced a little to the tune, and before you could say hello, it hit you full-force, swept you off your feet.
The tornado of feeling, the sudden surge of sensation, so new yet familiar, took you to the past but only briefly, because your new found sanity guarded you oh so protectively.
But that glimpse was more than enough. More, and it could be harmful. Just one little gesture that justified those tossing and turning on depressing sleepless nights, an itch so disturbing no amount of vodka could cure.
And in a split second it happened. No bells ringing, no alarm of any kind. It was just there, an opportunity for you to grab, without prologues or further explanations. All you needed to do was absorb, with childlike openness and soak the moment.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the best kind of high.
The tornado of feeling, the sudden surge of sensation, so new yet familiar, took you to the past but only briefly, because your new found sanity guarded you oh so protectively.
But that glimpse was more than enough. More, and it could be harmful. Just one little gesture that justified those tossing and turning on depressing sleepless nights, an itch so disturbing no amount of vodka could cure.
And in a split second it happened. No bells ringing, no alarm of any kind. It was just there, an opportunity for you to grab, without prologues or further explanations. All you needed to do was absorb, with childlike openness and soak the moment.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the best kind of high.
Monday, December 15, 2008
w is for what the f?
Wondering not so discreetly, why incredibly stupid people actually are running this so-called advanced capitalist society. I'm not asking for compassionate people, or even nice. I'm merely asking for competent people doing what they are supposed to be doing, so I could be spared 5 hour long meeting with utterly confused people, who hide their incompetence by unstoppable chatters, yapping and yapping as if their mouths suffered from severe case of diarrhea.
People, really, get over yourself!
People, really, get over yourself!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
an inflammable disposition
she bubbled in childish excitement, over things, silly things, they didn't matter
spontaneous actions, words, she didn't think them over, she was just in this light pink mood, as sweet as cotton candy
she didn't mean anything
but something, something other than her was bothering him, eating him up, igniting him
and he burst into flame, so red, so hot, the anger burned quickly, tongue of fire was licking her from down to the top of her head
hear her, she crackles she burns, she burns...
you see, she was built like that, inflammable, combustible
you see, there is no technology to revive the residue of fire
they just turn to ashes, black
spontaneous actions, words, she didn't think them over, she was just in this light pink mood, as sweet as cotton candy
she didn't mean anything
but something, something other than her was bothering him, eating him up, igniting him
and he burst into flame, so red, so hot, the anger burned quickly, tongue of fire was licking her from down to the top of her head
hear her, she crackles she burns, she burns...
you see, she was built like that, inflammable, combustible
you see, there is no technology to revive the residue of fire
they just turn to ashes, black
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
my perfect love, murakami style
"I'm looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortcake. And you stop everything you're doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortcake out to me. And I say I don't want it anymore and throw it out the window. That's what I'm looking for."
Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami
Norwegian Wood, Haruki Murakami
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
ennui
the best way to describe it is like being trapped at home during bad economic condition, watching reruns of shows about self-made problems, erupting from bad judgments, imaginary ailments, anxiety attacks and the likes.
and somehow, fate decides that the TV cannot be switched off.
so the characters are happily floating on screen, cocooned in their ignorance, celebrating daily stupidity until something rather predictable hit them in the face and boom, their worlds explode and they are left decapitated, wailing in pain and disbelief.
what can you expect from a nation suffering from severe inability to connect two things together, to look at matters and draw logical conclusions rather than being sucked in moronic euphoria.
apologize for being desperately gloomy. it's the beginning of the rainy season and with it comes the accompanying depression.
somebody should kill the TV now.
and somehow, fate decides that the TV cannot be switched off.
so the characters are happily floating on screen, cocooned in their ignorance, celebrating daily stupidity until something rather predictable hit them in the face and boom, their worlds explode and they are left decapitated, wailing in pain and disbelief.
what can you expect from a nation suffering from severe inability to connect two things together, to look at matters and draw logical conclusions rather than being sucked in moronic euphoria.
apologize for being desperately gloomy. it's the beginning of the rainy season and with it comes the accompanying depression.
somebody should kill the TV now.
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