I turned and found her standing behind me, all smiles.
I towered over her, like I tower just about everyone, because of my unusual height. I am Estrela, the supermodel, the star, just as my name suggests. But with her, I liked the fact that she had to look up to be able to talk to me. It made me feel superior.
"oh hi"
I forced a smile. I am a talented model after all, I can slip in and out characters easily. She wouldn't be able to detect any trace of hostility in me.
"fancy meeting you here"
What an asshole. Of course we were bound to meet somewhere. Although the city is big, there are not enough playgrounds. People frequent the same venues. It's like we have orbits that we cannot stray from. And that was why I knew her anyway. Because he brought her to my orbit.
"yeah well small city"
I couldn't help to be lame. Small talks are not my strong point. I threw drinks at bitches. I threw tantrums during photo shoots. I made grown men cry. I am the queen of trash talk. The only reason I could get any modeling assignments at all is because on camera, I am so fucking gorgeous. And she on the other hand is not. Which is why him being with her was a slap on my face.
"you know..."she hesitated,"I am not with him anymore"
Are you not now? Well that didn't take him long.
"yeah well you"ll find other men"
"oh yeah yeah I have already, he's a great guy"
"well congratulations"
She smiled. I raked my brain for excuses to get the hell away from her. But she beat me to it.
"there's something bothering me though, I hope you don't mind answering this, were you... were you... you know... with him?"
It did not came as a surprise. Yet I was lost for words.
"did he say that?"
"he never mentioned your name, it's just that he often described a character who I think is a lot like you"
I felt my blood boiling. With what? Rage? Humiliation? What could he possibly say about me? That I was crazy in love with him and nearly took my own life when he left? Her knowing all of that was even more humiliating than the act itself. She was... who was she? A nobody! The nobody he chose over me.
"and the fact that it took him months after we went out before he finally took me to meet his friends, to meet you, it made me wonder... because he only introduced me to his circle after you... well you know, got married... and the fact that amongst all his friends you were the only one who never... well you seemed like you didn't want to be in the same room with me"
"that's a sloppy conclusion"
She grabbed my hand apologetically.
"I know I know, I'm sorry. It couldn't possibly be you, I mean you are far out of his league"
That made me even sadder.
"sorry, Estrela, please forgive me. I'm just dying to know who that girl was. You must know, you're his friend. Can you tell me, please?"
"what for? you said you're no longer with him!"
"true but he got some kind of power over me, you know, I realize he' s a jerk and all that but I couldn't help falling in love with him... and he told me these stories about this girl... and I felt her, you know... I mean I am now with a great man, the best man who treats me good yet it was different with him, a passion like that... something you can't fake! And yet he left!"
I felt my anger rising little by little. Her words were cutting into my flesh and images were playing in my mind. Of passionate nights she shared with him. Did she scream his name the way I used to? Did she leave scars just the way I did? Did she giggle with delight trying to find excuses for him to tell his wife about the scars like I did?
Those were my stolen moments, my beautiful stolen moments and I did not want to share them with anyone. Especially with a nobody like her.
I looked her coldly in the eyes and put my hand on one of her shoulders.
"listen, knowing who she was won't change anything. Just forget about him, he will never leave his wife, all the other women were just his sick entertainment"
I saw she fought back tears.
"you won't understand, you're this gorgeous super model who can have any man you want. But I am just a girl who fell in love with him and I didn't even mind the fact that he was married but he left me anyway and I felt that if I could know the girl he was talking about, the girl he was with before me, maybe she would understand and helped me through this"
And what made her think that the girl had survived?
But she, of all people, did not need to know anything about my life.
I muttered a lame excuse to get away from there. She didn't listen, she was too caught up in her own emotion.
I walked away, with another layer of hatred added into my already darkened heart.
