how to not be frozen

ah, shallow people, bitter people, chewing into your soul like termites. a phone call, an email, a message through a friend, the dreaded can you please take care of my life, it's turning your heart cold.

you were raised good. you have values. you take care of things. you manage. little by little. you do what you need to do. give what you need to give. take what you have earned. you live an honest, if not much, life. you get on okay. until they show.

and it's becoming a lot harder not to be frozen. imagery of solitary living. nothing expected of you. nothing, only you and nothingness. and it's becoming a lot harder not to like being frozen.

ah, weepy people. the way they march into life unthinking, then caught unprepared, it's maddening. and then there's you, minding your own little business, you are suddenly exposed to their nakedness. and it's making your blood boils. and the rage brings you shame. you are ashamed. of being mad. of being reluctant to reach out.

ah, the accusation. of being selfish. while to you, selfish is subjecting others to business that clearly is not of their interest. selfish is wandering through life unaware of consequences. selfish is expecting others to pick up the pieces.

but above all else, you know how hatred could bring you to the darkest place. so you grit your teeth. and you order that double drinks. the warmth that goes through your throat eventually reaches your heart and unfreezes it, peels off the icy hatred layer by layer.

and you are grateful that you're a drunk.

lucky to forget

Rewind a few years back, to the days when I used to wake up with a blank, I am lucky to forget.
A prayer to my ear now, a lovely good night kiss, God how lucky I am to forget.
It might still be on the back of your mind, whether I give up on too much, but let me tell you now, it wasn't all that much to give up on because it wasn't much at all. It was birth then the gap then you then it will always be you. And everything else, let me tell you once again, I am so truly lucky to forget.

on turning mid thirties

My belated birthday resolutions:

I have decided to be more childlike
I will not hesitate to laugh
I will love fiercely and passionately
I will smile a lot more and a lot more sincere
I will not be angry as much
I will go to see new places
I will open up myself more
I will try forgive or at least forget
I will party like there's no tomorrow
and last but not least
I will never, ever feel old even when I get to be 100

Thanks hubby dear for the best 3-day birthday bash ever: bali-sunset-kudeta- martini-bacio-champagne-good friends-good laugh-warung melati-rossovivo-doublesix-and the greatest drunken conversation ever!

happy belated birthday to me... bottoms up!

Somebody told me

her friend told her
that her boyfriend's wife
is cheating with her friend's boyfriend
so she told her boyfriend
who also knew the friend
whose boyfriend is cheating with his wife
so she, her friend and her boyfriend
spend the evenings talking about her boyfriend's wife and her friend's boyfriend
while being really, really careful
for their husbands not to find out that she has a boyfriend and her friend has a boyfriend
and that her boyfriend's wife is cheating her friend's boyfriend

.............................................................................................................

dedicated to a girl friend who lives her life the way I used to live before I live this life.

Shangri-La

The urban people, handicapped from detachment and loneliness, long for a place of eternal peace. So they travel far and wide, to the highest mountain just a notch below the clouds, looking for that perfect spot, a place where one could just sit outside on that day when the sun comes out, smoking and talking, pacifying the eternally restless soul.

The mountain people, handicapped from ignorance and poverty, long for a place of progress. When they dream at night, they dream of speaking other languages, of surviving illnesses, of having the luxury to choose their paths. They dream of that perfect day, the day when the sun comes out, when one could set out on a long journey to betterment.

Could it be that place is not what we need to search for?

Gotta gotta be down

Gotta get a move, gotta get out here, gotta change, gotta think, gotta challenge myself
Gotta see what's on the other side, gotta accept, gotta be grateful, gotta be happy, gotta be thankful
Gotta be good, gotta be bad, gotta evoke, gotta inspire, gotta let go, gotta accept, gotta dream, gotta forget
Gotta feel good about myself, gotta live by principles, gotta learn new principles, gotta be tolerant, gotta be tough, gotta be easy

One day you'll learn

The next person comes is even crazier
The next person comes is even stupider

And there's nothing you can do about it

So I suggest you do what I do
Fix your drink a little stronger and suck it up like a real pro
And laugh, laugh a little, laugh a lot, laugh at them, laugh at yourself

Don't be too caught up in this little melodrama called life
Because nobody ever gets out of it alive anyway.

Closing Time

Those were the times when the days gone wild
ditching the crowd to kiss in the dark
Remember the blackness never seemed too dark
because your eyes made such a spark?

Those were the songs that we used to dance to
arms in arms the way we used to do
whispering lots of sweet nothings
swaying all the way till beginning of the morning
we were all things, then nothing

Remember how we lived carelessly
how we loved recklessly
Those were the times
when we were simultaneously dead and so alive

Now that closing time is approaching
We smooth our hairs and pack our credit cards
Get on with life and never look back
Although it’s best for us not to forget, we should only get wiser